It seems like I’ve read a lot of articles and posts lately that talk about how difficult the newborn stage can be. That new moms should realize that they may not like that stage very much and it’s ok.
Well, I loved the newborn stage, both times. I love the infant stage. I love the newly crawling / standing / cruising stage.
The 2 1/2 year old stage? Not so much. And I haven’t read anything where anyone else admits to not liking that stage either, so my feelings are compounded by guilt that I’m a bad mom. That I’m doing motherhood wrong.
Some days I don’t even like my son all that much. He’s enthusiastic and energetic and curious. He’s also defiant and grouchy and jealous of his sister needing me or touching his toys. Or her toys for that matter.
I’ve always wanted to homeschool, but lately I fantasize about sending my son to preschool. Not for any big thoughts that it would better suit his needs or anything, but simply to get a break from him.
My guilt is compounded by the fact that we tried for so long to get pregnant. I prayed so hard for years, and my prayers were finally answered. And now this is how I feel? That I want nothing more than for my son to just leave. me. alone. for an hour? I know so many people whose prayers for a child weren’t answered, so that makes me feel guilty too, like I should be appreciating him all the more because I was blessed to have a child – two children – and how can I be so ungrateful?
Things were better when he napped. I remind myself of that. Things are better when I get sleep. I remind myself of that too, to not think it’s the end of the world on days when I’ve been up multiple times for one or both of the kids.
I still feel guilty when I find myself snapping at him, or turning to the television to distract him for longer than I “should.” I want to be a great mom to my kids, meeting their needs at whatever stage they’re in.
Linking up to Write It, Girl.